I congratulate Mr. Sandwich on the press coverage that it has recieved to date but some disturbing allegations have come my way in the past day or so. I recieved a troubling call last night that went on for over 30 minutes but the upshot is that Mr. Hamilton Sandwich may not, in fact, be who he says he is! The tipster that called me indicated that he had seen Mr. Sandwich out for a jog a few days before his candidacy started (presumably to drop a few slices before the election) and that he had some mysterious red stripes on his sides. After putting up with the callers diatribe about a conspiracy amongst deli meat producers I finally hung up on the kook.
However, I couldn’t get those red stripes out of my mind as it sounded familiar and a sudden thought hit me – I went to the store and sure enough! I found BOLOGNA slices in the deli case that had red stripes on the side of the slices! From there I went to Mr. Sandwich’s website to look at his picture and I believe you can see the reddish edges on the slices. I decided to blow up the picture to see what this is all about and here is what I found:
See where that arrow is pointing? That area looks suspicously pink. I wonder if Mr. Sandwich had some work done in an attempt to hide his true identity and it didn’t come out so well. I’ve sent Mr. Sandwich several emails and he hasn’t responded. I then emailed his compaign and they replied with some hand-waving answer about Mr. Sandwich not having fingers so he can’t respond to emails. This being the case, I went looking and I found a 1997 case from Alaska (Sandwich v. State) which contains this notation: “Bologna sandwich; conviction reversed because state destroyed Ham sandwich before defense could examine” The case law is clear that there was a mysterious defendant named “Bologna Sandwich” in this case but he was sprung as the witness, a Mr. Hamilton Sandwich, was destroyed and his conviction was overturned!
I firmly believe in Candidate’s telling the truth and I call up “Mr. Hamilton Sandwich” to respond to these allegations. Ideally by submitting a sample of his slices to be tested by the state crime lab! We can’t have a convicted felon running the Commonwealth Attorney’s office. It’s just plain old horse-sense.
May 23, 2007 at 9:30 am
That is a doctored photo, obviously meant to smear Ham. Given that Ham has been as successful as he has of late, I’m not surprised that dirty tricksters are out after him now. This is EXACTLY the kind of political corruption that Ham has set out to end….
May 23, 2007 at 12:59 pm
As an early supporter of Ham’s, I can tell you the pink band is in support of ending PORK Barrel spending. Hamilton Sandwich will ketchup with his opponet if he can mustard the conservative forces in PW County. His opponet is a fine man, but every now and then people want something different. Ham will have a diverse prosecutor’s offce with appointments such as Chili C. Carne and Rueben O. Rye.