I've never been big on "milestone" birthdays. When I turned 40 my wife got together a group a friends, rented a limo, and we went Vineyard hopping. That was great fun until I decided it would be a good idea to go for a little skateboard ride. That episode had a predictable ending.
I'm now 48 and will be 49 in June. For whatever reason my 50th birthday looms large in my mind. I don't think that I'm "afraid" of turning 50. That's just a date on the calendar. I think it's a fear of aging. The late 40's – early 50's seem to be another shadowy line in life. The first 20 some years of life are pretty easy. Mostly you're healthy and everything just works. Yes, there are some tragic deaths but most of those are of the accidental variety. After that, everyone starts having children. Again, some issues with miscarriages and fertility challenges which can cause a fair amount of mental anguish but the sun will shine. Might have some challenges in late 30's as your doctor starts to fuss about your weight or blood pressure. But usually not serious.
Depending on when you elected to start churning out children, the late 40's can be a real golden time of life. The early in life marriages have dissolved and the participants have re-married. Most of the marriages that are still intact are stable. People at this stage of life have developed a pretty firm sense of self and know when they're comfortable in a room. So, by now, you've usually gravitated towards people who you can stand (except for family events) and have a good time with. Again, at this age everything in your body still works ok. The ladies in the crowd might be going through some changes and the dudes are aging a bit but that stuff is largely tolerable. You can still pee standing up and sex typically has fewer consequences. If you can stay awake. (changing voices a bit)
However, the storm clouds aren't all that far off – (and I'm tempting fate here) there are a couple of friends lost to heart attacks and some cancers. Your doctor is crabbing at you about your weight or blood pressure. Cancer becomes scary as hell because it's real and largely invisible – until it isn't. I well remember thinking about aging when I got my first real job out of college. I was about 25 and thought, "holy hell. I have a work life in front of my that is at least as long as I've already been alive. That seems like a long time." Well, I'm at that finish line now.
For me, I'm still young enough that I can work all day, hit the gym and then blast over to Bad Wolf on Wednesday night, knock back a couple pints with my peeps and be square in the a.m. My crowd are all late 40's-ish and it's great. We fight about politics, pop culture and everything else and then laugh it off. Everyone's been to the show already – we've all had babies, raised (or are raising) kids, bought a new car and took a bath when we sold it, bought a house, had low points and high points and all of that other jazz. It makes for an easy crowd to slip in to.
But I worry. I worry what it's going to be like to age. In fact, it occurs to me that the preceding paragraphs are really an unconscious rendering of the reality that it is relatively easy to slip into middle-age. I think it gets a lot harder from here on out.
January 25, 2015 at 8:44 am
Ah….you left out one significant thing…child getting ready to leave home. "Loss" and letting go will drive anxiety as much as an impending age milestone.
At 60, I've tapped numerous resources to stay positive — Lifelong Learning Institute-Manassas, Hylton Performing Arts Center, Novant Health's fitness center, Volunteer Prince William, Virginia Cooperative Extension, Prince William Public Library System…the list goes on. With one exception — I just couldn't make myself try the "senior center." A rebranded "Manassas Center for Active Aging" sounds so much better to boomers. That's what they call them down here in North Carolina. Check out http://www.creativeaging.org/ – there's a national conference coming up in DC.
January 26, 2015 at 2:34 pm
Andy, right there with ya. 49 this April. Understanding that the cylinders and rings are a bit worn, the shocks are on their way to being shot, and your doctor needs to check places that weren't previously checked….I think the toughest part is accepting that while mentally you can maintain for a while, physically its a choice between fast or slow deterioration. Entering the heart-attack zone isn't comforting either.
Still young enough to get it done, but old enough to know better. Mid-life is mid-life.
But look on the bright side: By colonial standards, we are wizzened!
January 29, 2015 at 10:35 am
Speaking as the City's Commissioner for Aging, what makes you "aged" is believing the stereotypes…and worrying over them. In the classic Alphaville song "Forever Young" is a line I say to many…"It's so hard to grow old without a cause; I don't want to perish like a fading horse". Rebel against the stereotypes, and find a cause to spend you days learning about and advocating for!
Now personally, having a decade of years on you; having acquired three disabilities through my years of Army service with lots of physcial limitations; I say – get off your duff and LIVE! I stay within the physical limitations I have – although still amused at the Medical Review Board which said I could shoot my rifle, but not carry it – and strive every day to keep setting the world on fire.
I also live with a "family curse" – on the Beverage side, historically between the ages of 45 to 65, the men have heart attacks and die which is the "curse". My Grandfather at age 54, my Father at age 48, my older Brother at 52; my younger Brother at age 49 had five bypass grafts . With my Grandfather in 1954 and my Father in 1973, medical care and treatment was not as advanced as today. My older Brother though…he accepted the "curse" and worried and yeah, it got him way too early. My younger Brother was just not active enough to avoid it all. As for me and my older male cousin who is is 65, we say "B-S!" about the curse. Stay on a positive track and tell the curse it is full of it!
So, stop worrying, have a beer and LIVE, my Friend!
January 29, 2015 at 11:50 am
" Fourty is the old age of youth;
fifty the youth of old age."
Victor Hugo
(My kids are in their early 40's)
February 9, 2015 at 4:24 pm
Life is a great trip – most of the time. Enjoy what you have,
where you are. Just do it!
(a bit over 80)
February 21, 2015 at 3:20 pm
Good news! If you haven't grown up by age 50, then you don't have to.